Answers · Taking things away

Is it bad to take points away when a child misbehaves?

Yes — and the usual reason given for it is not the important one.

The advice you will normally read is that removing points is discouraging. That is true, and it is not the part that decides whether your chart survives.

The part that decides it is this: a system that can take points away is a game that can be lost. And once a child works out that it can be lost, two things follow, both of them rational.

What a child does with a losable system

They start protecting instead of trying. A chart that can go backwards stops being a thing you earn on and becomes a thing you defend. The safest way to defend a total is to attempt less, because attempting more is where the losing happens. You have accidentally priced risk.

Then, eventually, they quit — and they are right to. "It's stupid, I don't care" sounds like defiance. It is usually an accurate assessment. If one bad afternoon can wipe out two weeks of effort, then the two weeks were never really theirs, and a child who notices that has understood the system correctly. The problem is not the attitude. The problem is that the system taught it.

What losing a point actually teaches

What the adult meansWhat the child learns
That behavior has consequencesThat my score is not safe
Try harder next timeTrying is how you lose things
I am being fairThe adult can undo my work
This is a reset, not a punishmentTwo weeks can vanish in one afternoon

But surely there have to be consequences?

There do. They simply do not belong inside the thing that measures effort.

Consequences and encouragement are two different jobs, and a chart is bad at the first one. A consequence needs to be immediate, proportionate and about the specific thing that happened. A points total is none of those — it is delayed, arbitrary in size, and attached to a week of unrelated effort. Deducting from it punishes the effort as well as the incident.

Keep the consequence in the moment where it belongs. Leave the record of what went right alone.

What to do instead

This is the single rule Climb Rewards is built on: there is no operation anywhere in it that makes a number smaller.

If you are keeping a paper chart, you can have the same thing for free. Draw it in pen. Add a row for "had a hard moment and came back". And decide, out loud and in front of your child, that nothing on it ever gets taken off — then keep to it on the day you least want to.

Last updated 2026-09-07.

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