The sequence is familiar and it is not a sign you have done anything wrong. A consequence works, then it does not, so it gets bigger. The bigger one works for a shorter time. Eventually you are removing things for a week and it is changing nothing.
Why bigger stops working faster
A punishment works by being a surprise. Once a child can predict it, it stops being a surprise and becomes a price, and a price is something you can decide to pay. The child who says "fine, take it" has not become defiant. They have finished doing the arithmetic.
Escalating raises the price. It does not change the fact that it is now a price.
What is left when that is gone
Three things, in the order they are worth trying.
| What | Why it survives when punishment does not |
|---|---|
| Make the good thing pay | There is no ceiling on it, so it cannot be priced out |
| Name what they did, out loud, when it happens | Costs nothing, cannot be predicted away, and is the thing most missing in a hard house |
| Remove the thing that makes it hard | A morning that is genuinely chaotic is a structure problem wearing a behavior costume |
None of that means never saying no. It means the no was never the part doing the teaching, and when it stops working there is nothing behind it unless you built something.