A shared chart is appealing for obvious reasons: one thing on the fridge, one system to keep up with, and it feels fair. It is the setup most likely to hurt the child you built it for.
What a shared chart does
- It creates a scoreboard. Two totals side by side is a comparison whether or not anybody says so, and children read it instantly.
- The struggling child loses it, permanently. If one child finds mornings easy and the other does not, the gap only widens. There is no day on which it closes.
- It makes the same thing worth the same. "Got dressed on my own" is trivial for one child and a genuine achievement for the other. One chart cannot price both honestly.
Separate charts, same house
Each child gets their own list, priced to what is hard for them. A sibling who finds everything easy can still have one — with harder things on it, which is the honest version anyway.
If they want a shared goal, make it a separate thing that both contribute to and neither can lose: a film night the family reaches together. Cooperative, not comparative.
The question they will ask
"Why does she get points for that and I don't?" is worth a straight answer, and there is a good one: because it is hard for her and it is easy for you. You get points for the things that are hard for you. Children accept that more readily than adults expect. What they will not accept is pretending the two of them find the same things difficult.