Answers · Saying it right

Do you need a hundred ways to praise a child?

No, and a list of a hundred phrases is usually a sign of the wrong problem being solved, because what is missing is almost never vocabulary.

These lists are everywhere and they are pleasant to read. They rarely change anything in a house, and it is worth being clear about why.

What the list assumes

That the shortage is words. In most homes where this is a live problem the shortage is not words, it is moments. The good thing happens, nobody is looking, and it goes by. A hundred phrases do not help with that.

What actually changes it

One sentence, said close enough to the thing that it attaches to it. "Fifty ways" is a browsing exercise. The real skill is noticing, and noticing is a matter of attention rather than script.

What is scarceWhat people reach forWhat would help
NoticingMore phrasesA reason to be looking, and somewhere for it to land
TimingBetter phrasesSaying it inside a minute rather than at bedtime
SpecificityLonger phrasesNaming the thing they did, in ordinary words

The one sentence

Say what they did, and say it as a plain fact. "You came back and finished it." That is the whole technique, and the reason it is worth more than ninety nine alternatives is that it is true and they can hear that it is.

Last updated 2026-09-09.

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